"生子没屎弗" (Kid without Butthole) Curse

I don’t know why but all languages I know have some cursing about one’s mother.  For instance English, people do curse ‘Son of the B*tch’, without realizing that actually he was cursing the mother of that person instead.

 

However, Chinese are more cruel, they curse the next generation too! "生子没屎弗" (Kid without Butthole) Curse usually aim at those who did terrible things, so that karma would take effect and that person would have children without any butthole or anus, so that his future generation would just extinct. The Chinese are very particular about their next generation.

 

At first, I thought this is just an ineffective curse until I stumbled upon news about this. It seems this is called 'Imperforate Anus', a condition that afflicts only one in every 5,000 children! This is a very high rate! 

Gee, I shall be doing more good deeds from now on, before I make someone pregnant. =p

Queensbay Model Search (Female Session)

How come there were so many guys’ eyes wide open, staring at one location?

 

How come there were so many pretty girls queuing up to go on stage?

 

It was Queensbay Mall Model Search!

I accidentally stumbled upon this event when I was having my usual Sunday morning coffee at Starbuck Queensbay Mall. The morning session was for girls only and there were about 133 registered participants for the female category! I guess it was the only time guys could stare at girls with their mouths open without the girls feeling offended (Some guys had those stare that could make the girls felt like ‘being raped’!)

 

First, I would like to apologize for the blurry photo because it was pretty hard to take a good one. The organizing staffs seemed love to steal the limelight; 

and usually when I was aiming nicely a head suddenly popped up in front of my camera!

 

Since this was the preliminary round, you could see different kind of people trying to have a shot at fame, even those Godzilla look-alikes! 

Some girls didn’t know to do a proper cat walk, and ended up imitating Asimo; 

whereas some thought the stage was a sports field, jogging up and down.

 

I didn’t know whether my criteria of a model was too strict or my expectation was set too high, but for me I could only pick a few okay ones to qualify for next round. And I think Cath and Cannas would have a better shot at this. 

 

However, I managed to spot an Indian girl who I think could be the winner of this event. Sorry for not taking any photo of her because my camera phone was too mesmerized by her that it failed to function.

 

I left the place before the male session started, because I was not interested to watch at all. I might try to get better quality photos of the models from other camera man; and shall publish it tomorrow…. hopefully!

A Mask? Don't Get Cheated, Guys!

The air in Penang lately is quite fresh because of the occasional rain. But I was puzzled when I saw a mask at the living room table. I wonder why my female housemate would use a mask at this time of the day.

 

I almost put the thing on, until I saw a book on the table. It was a book about pregnancy then I finally got it! It was not a mask, it was some sort of breast milking device! And my housemate was pregnant again!

 

It would be a stupid thing if I put it on! Lucky me!

Something Wrong with the Water?

It was a usual lunch time yesterday. I always have my lunch in the café so that I could catch up with my work or have some shuteye before continue the second part of the day.

 

Suddenly I saw our site Managing Director escorting a group of VIPs to our café for lunch! I guess it must be because of the bad economy that business meal is not allowed anymore.

 

The VIP went to grab some food from the café and sat a few tables away. By then our site Managing Director has disappeared into our mini-mart and appeared with a few bottles of mineral water! He distributed the bottles to all VIPs!

Suddenly, it scared me! What’s wrong with the water in café? I had been drinking these water for 3 years! Does that means the water is cursed so that I would always be loyal to my company? Does that means I have some hidden disease waiting to be discovered by the doctors? Now I understand why my company is paying us RM70 each for every in-house body check. L

Sorry for not Updating

Hi! Sorry for no update in these few days. My mind has been triggered in a confusion state lately. Something that I thought was deeply buried inside my mind has resurfaced again. This time I need to find a way to deal with it. Hopefully it is once and for all.

 

In addition, work is killing me; actually it is killing almost everyone in my department. I guess it is because of less resources and more tasks, making everyone doing more than one person’s job portion. At least, this could keep my mind from being confused for a while.

 

There are also some personal housing stuffs to deal with. Yeah, I seemed like being overload with stuff. Hopefully when weekend comes, I could rest my mind for while. Let see how it goes.

 

Stay tune. I would blog again on weekends…. I hope..

Cheated by Ham Sandwich

Sometimes when I was too busy with work, I would just go to my office cafeteria and get myself sandwiches, just to buy some time for me to work on my stuff.

 

Strangely, the ham sandwich always tasted weird. I could taste the meat on first bite but the taste seemed fading out on every next bite. Usually I would ignore that because I was too busy.

 

On one occasion, I got curious and checked it. Damn! I got cheated by the looks, such a stingy seller!

 

Not going for ham sandwich in the future! Now it makes me wonder, are they using a real egg for the egg sandwich? The egg might not from a real chicken….

Flashy Flashy (Exposed)

What would you do if you see a guy which his zipper open?

1. Go to tell him?
2. Hinting him by saying “Hey Man, the bird is loosed!”
3. Hinting him by pointing at that location?
4. Shouting out loud and hinting him at the same time by saying “Hey! It’s red Renoma!”
5. Do nothing, hope he would notice soon.

 

I had an incident when I went for dinner at a food court on Saturday. There was a girl who sit so clumsily that she exposed her panty. It almost blinded me! 

For a while, the food I was enjoying was so bright! I could not avoid the sight because it was right in front of me… I felt like it was staring at me!

 

For a while I asked myself, should I go and tell her? But her boyfriend was beside her. So I better don’t risk my life.

 

The only way I could help is blogging it and reminds all girls to sit properly next time. Don’t spread out your legs… unless you need to. =p And guys, always check to make sure the 'door' stays closed, okay?

My New Baby.... Ellesse Watch

I finally got a new watch! 

It was not a branded one and at first I thought that it was a girl’s watch because the brand name is ‘Ellesse’. I was thinking, “Is it me or girls starting to wear guy’s type of watch? Maybe I am really out of fashion already”. My thought was corrected by the person in the advertisement and it was a guy… a straight guy – Jay Chou!

 

Comparing from my previous watch it was way cheaper and plus the 60% discount, I felt that it was worth spending. But as long as I like it right? Somemore there is one year waranty period... 

 

See? It looked great…maybe until I broke it then I shall complain again (I am clumsy at times).

I Broke My Watch (Changeable Attitude Salesman)

It was a heartache moment for me. My Omega Seamaster seemed ‘decapitated’ but it was all my fault, I accidentally dropped it during my shower after my gym session. Maybe it fell by itself, screaming “I rather drop dead than seeing u naked!”

 

People usually said that branded real products are better in quality. But this is usually not the case. Most of the time, pirated goods seem to last longer than the original one, although the look of the pirated products fade off easily.

 

Anyway, I went to check with the shop and they said it was beyond repairable, contrasting to what they said when I bought it from them. Here are the scenarios:

 

Before I bought the watch, I felt like a king:

AsX: Is there any warranty for this watch?

Salesman: Yes, 2 years.

 

AsX: Can I return it when if later I feel like I don’t like it?

Salesman: Yes, within 7 days.

 

AsX: It is expensive; could you give some discount for me?

Salesman: Yes, I will try to give you staff discount.

 

(I should have tried this..)

AsX: Can you bark for me?

Salesman: Yes. Woof woof!

 

AsX: My shoe is dirty, can you wipe away the dirt for me?

Salesman: Yes. Yes.

 

When my watch was broken, and asked for repair under warranty (I felt like crap):

AsX: My watch is broken but it is still under warranty. Can I claim that?

Salesman: No, it seems beyond repairable. The warranty does not cover negligent u know? It is written at line 7 under the terms and conditions. (The salesman suddenly turned into a lawyer).

 

AsX: How about if I pay for the repair?

Salesman: No, as I said it is beyond repairable. (The salesman then changed into a watch repair expert)

 

AsX: Do you accept trade in? It should worth something right?

Salesman: (Getting more impatient and rude) No, does this looks like a recycle centre to you. (Suddenly sound like ‘Ah Long’ collecting money)

 

Anyway, I think I can live without a watch for now. Don’t think I have any important date coming up (As if I ever have any date L). Maybe I shall go shopping for a watch at Queensbay mall tomorrow. Hmm…

Post April’s Fool Syndrome (My Apologies to My Victims)

Yesterday was April fool’s day; did everyone have fun fooling others? If yes, it is time to apologize. I have a list of apologies to voice out to my victims. I remembered the last time I said 10 Sorry was to a pretty special girl. Anyway, here i go:

 

1. I’m sorry that I taught your kid the ‘international sign’ language.

 

2. I’m sorry for putting salt instead of sugar in your morning coffee until u thought some lizards have sh*tted in your coffee.

 

3. I’m sorry for telling all the colleagues that you are gay, until the other real gay attracted to you.

 

4. I’m sorry for putting lizard inside your underwear until people have mistaken you groping your private part in broad day light.

 

5. I’m sorry that I have given your dog a ‘colorful’ fashion.

 

6. I’m sorry for telling your wife that you have an affair with your secretary until she went for another affair just to get even.

 

7. I’m sorry for poking holes on your condom and not informing you when you use it.

 

8. I’m sorry to tell you that I have fallen in love with you until you have very very bad nightmares.

 

9. I’m sorry that I made a false police report saying your male dog is gay. (click to enlarge the report)

 

10. I’m sorry for calling you a stupid f*cking bitch…. Hold on…  I mean that, I take back my apology!

 

Did I do the above stuff? Maybe yes, maybe no. Will I do that in the future, who knows… I might.

 

Ghostly Pranks for April Fool's Day

It’s April fool’s Day and it’s also Qingming Festival (清明节), a time where Chinese would go to pray or pay respect to their ancestor at the cemetery. So, why not we have some ghostly pranks to fool everyone around? Actually I wanted to play these pranks but unfortunately I got too tied up with works and did not have time for preparation. Here are my suggestions:

 

1. Ghost of Japanese Soldiers

Gather a few friends and rent some old Japanese soldiers uniform. During midnight, march along a busy road with the person in front holding a big Japanese flag. Try to observe the traffic. 

If you see cars speeding away when they got close to you, that means your trick works. Who knows you might appear in front of the newspaper the next day! But remember to run away when accident occurs. Some drivers might get too shocked to drive.

2. Followed by Ghost

This prank could only be done at night, as late as possible. Tie a rope with one end to a white clothing and the other end to the back of your victim’s car. Make sure he does not spot it when he gets into his car. When he speed his car, the clothing will be lifted up. It will be like how you try to fly a kite. 

When the victim sees something white following him, sure he will scare of out hell. But the faster he drives his car, the higher the ‘ghost’ would be flying above.

 

3. Someone is talking

If you have a pair of walkie-talkies, turn it on and place it nearby a person who love to be alone or maybe under the seat of the victim’s car. When no one is around that victim, try to say something over the walkie-talkie like “I know what you did last Sunday” or better still, try screaming over the walkie-talkie. 

Maybe you can time how fast the victim gets out from there!

 

4. Hell Bank Notes

Slip some Hell Bank Notes into the victim’s wallet without his noticing. Then try to ask for some changes from the victim. The victim might freezes for a few seconds when he sees Hell Bank Notes inside his wallet. 

He might be thinking he had some ghostly encounters without his realization.

 

Have fun with these ideas! And let me know the outcome. Remember that it is not for the weak of heart!

 

By the way, here are some less exciting pranks (maybe lame):

1. For girls only. Call your boyfriend, says that you are pregnant.
2. Call your partner (husband or wife) and says you have an affair with someone else.
3. Call your friend at 3am in the morning, remind him to go to the toilet.
4. Tell your dining mate that has just finish his meal that you had removed a dead lizard or cochroach that was found in his meal when he was not looking at it
5. Tell your colleague that his boss would like to see him regarding his retrenchment; and tell your colleague’s boss that your colleague would like to see him regarding his resignation. (Make sure you don’t get fired in the end)

My Plan When Homeless

Do you remember this? Unfortunately the renovation is starting, now the living has transformed from like this 

to like this.

 

So, where should I be spending my few days when the renovation continues till my room?

 

Here’s the plan:

The gym at my workplace opens at 7am and close at 9pm everyday, even public holiday. 

Usually during the opening or around closing time, there will be less people around. 

So every morning, I shall use the shower place for a nice warm bath, and get ready for work. 

Then I will pretend to walk into the office as if I have just arrived work late (around 8.30am – 9am). Every evening, I shall do the same and get myself ready for bed.

 

So, where should I be sleeping?  Luckily my workplace opens 24 hours everyday, so I shall ‘borrow’ a conference room. 

To prevent the guards from disturbing, I shall put a note outside, saying important meeting is going on. This should keep the guards from knocking the door, disturbing my sleep. J 

I get comfortable easily, just a pillow will do. The cool temperature from the air-conditioner is a bonus!

 

Not bad of an idea, huh?