10/18: Okay, my job caught up on me, need to work even on weekends. Well, let me continue blogging on my trip. Sorry guys!

Saturday, September 12, 2009

The Rain...

Woke up early for a volleyball session this morning, I really need sports to clear my mind up. Judging from the attendance, I guessed I was not alone, there were people affected by this changes too! I might be the stronger one instead. But again, I should be, I should be the one cheering but I really can’t. The most amusing part was everything started with a ‘why’ and ended with a ‘why’ also, really defied all logics.

Half way through the game it rained heavily. Usually I would just scold the weather but today I didn’t, I purposely stayed longer in the rain. It was like the sky was telling me “Wake up, man! Wake up!”

For the first time I enjoyed the rain, thanking it for assisting me shedding some tears and trying to wash away the pain. For the first time, I didn’t feel cold at all as I knew I deserve this big splash of endless water on me. I sat by the roadside, hoping for more until an uncle looked out from his window and got scared, fearing that I was some kind of thief lurking around, posing to strike at his property. I left the place immediately….

Last night, I came face to face with the cause. I really didn’t know what to do. I panicked and checked myself into the office washroom to clear my mind. Then I related the whole incident to a close friend. I guess this was the time that I was thankful for having a shoulder to cry on, a female shoulder. (Damn, I really sound like a pussy, right?) Anyway, thanks a lot, I really need the comfort and emotion outburst! It made me feel better after that, until I dare to face the problem… for a while.

Now, I’m planning to accept my fate, going towards comfort than wishing for something else. Don’t want to aim for excitement that all the time ended with pain. Maybe I shall bring some good news next year. Just wait and see…

Tonight, I shall get myself drunk. There is a BBQ with booze going on and I shall make use on that to clear up my mind.

Anyway, on Monday, I shall brave myself to come face to face with the cause. Maybe by then I shall be more prepared, maybe by then I shall be stronger. Still, looking towards my big break 6 days later, praying it come sooner.