Condom Ringtone

On this particular day, I would like to wish ‘Happy Birthday!’ to someone really special!

Lately there was a HIV Awareness and Prevention campaign by BBC World Service. And the method? Ringtone that chants “Condom” more than 50 times and with different tone and pitches. According to the newspaper, it is a major hit in India. I am introduced by the advertisement. Here is the “Condom a Cappella” ringtone:

If you love it, you could download them at http://www.condomcondom.org/.

Although it is cool, don’t think I would be using this ringtone. Imagine, everyone is seriously talking in a meeting, and suddenly my phone rings, reminding them to use condom!!

Bangalore Plastic Waste Road

I started to love the weekend over here because I could sleep as long as I liked. Knowing where I could get some food, I was less worried waking up late and missing breakfast.

The current problems with Bangalore are Power cuts and floods. I could be working on my stuff and suddenly there was this power cut that killed everything. That’s why I didn’t blog yesterday evening.

As for the flood, when rain came for 10 minutes, you could start diving at Bangalore roads after that.

Today I chose a different route to Brigade Road, a route that I don’t get myself wet. I didn’t know the name of the road but it was written as Plastic Waste Road, not a bad solution to plastic, but really bad on naming the road – they could name it Eco Road, Plastic Road, and Green road. Imagine, if one day they find a way to recycle cow’s dung to make the road, don’t tell me they are going to call Bullsh*t Road?

At the side of the road are actually army’s bases.

One particular sign caught my eye – Officers’ mess.

Because of the road name, I at first thought it was a luxury toilet for the officers’ until I looked up in google and realized that I was wrong.

By the end of the road there was a sign only for the traffic police, telling them where they should go.

Anyway, today’s newspaper agreed with me, Bangalore is really a stressful place!

Hotel Laundry Service Result

Today, there are exceptionally less car. Not sure whether my driver is smarter on the road or less people working on Friday, but for sure, this car smells! Still work late and sleep late, so looking towards tomorrow for a longer rest time. Just try to tell my body not to get sick.

As I said yesterday, I sent my laundry for cleaning because it was raining heavily and flooding everywhere these past few days. So I have no choice but using my hotel laundry service. I sent them out in the morning when I went to work and received them in the evening when I returned. It was delivered in a basket (the one you always find in Malaysia bakery store) and wrapped in a plain white clothes (which at first I thought was for wiping my tears after realizing the actual price).

The good thing about the delivery was that they don’t send the receipt to you, so that you would not get heart-attack when staying with them; maybe after you stay with them and check out from the hotel.

*At this point of the time, my driver just scolded a car, waving and shaking his fist. Didn’t see any ‘international hand sign” yet. But his scolding was like 2 minutes long Might be Bangalore longest Kannada foul-language. Who knows!*

Okay, back to my laundry.

Unwrapping my clothing basket, my nicely folded clothes could be found individually labeled with the hotel logo. Anyway, I still could not understand why it was so expensive. The clothes were not perfumed at all and some tougher stains were not removed. I guess I still rather go back to my regular laundry shop.

Bangalore Indians!

2 weeks from now, I shall be on my way to the airport! Now I am making it sound like these 14 days are so easy to get-by. Let’s hope it is….

Bangalore is a cool city but not dry. When you went out strolling in the city, you could actually feel the cool breeze although it is dusty; and sometimes smelly; and occasionally smell like urine. It was not cold. But everywhere I go people are wearing collared shirt with long sleeves. Is the latest trend in Bangalore?

Strangely, sometimes I see people in clothes that look like bath-robe…

Pirated DVD seems legal here because I saw a policeman standing just a few feet away from his business ground.

According to the latest statistic, India hosts one third of the world poorest people. The report says that 40% of the Indian families live with less than US$2 per day. So, wherever you go, you could clearly see the whole family sleeping by the sidewalk. It is really a sad sight and whenever they extend their hands asking for money, I really feel like giving to them. But hotel advises me against this. The reason is that this will encourage more beggars within the area and since I am always strolling nearby, crowds of beggar might follow me around asking for money instead.

So, beggars or auto-rickshaw drivers? Who do I want to follow me around?

8 Reasons I'm Diarrhea-free

Good morning Bangalore. It has been raining heavily for the past few evening that I have decided to use my hotel laundry, I don’t know how much would that cost me but I know it would be super-expensive! Everywhere is flooding in Bangalore, so my car (+ driver) rental company is considerate enough to send a 4WD Chevrolet to pick me up.

There is a weighing machine in my room and it shows that my weight has increased by 1kg. When everyone complains of losing weight in Bangalore, I am gaining weight instead! Think of it, I never went for vaccination and I lost my appetite for food over here and the weight machine still increased the value!

This proves that:

1. I am a dirty person, no food could stop me;
2. Bangalore is a cleaner city, except for the rubbish everywhere, men peeing everywhere, cow eating rubbish, the poors sleeping at every corner of the sidewalks, some people don’t wash their hands when eating although they eat with their hands….;
3. I have taken some steps to protect myself from getting sick and it is effective;
4. I have been tipping up to Bangalore standard so no one is poisoning me;
5. I am becoming more and more like a Bangalorean each day, I have started to follow their head shaking rhythm when I chat with them (Indians talk and shake their head at the same time. From my experience, if you try to maintain eye contact with them you will end up shaking your head following their rhythm. Then you will end up being dizzy…..Ya, I did.);
6. Someone up there realizes that I have suffered enough, so immune me from all sickness;
7. The viruses and diseases choose their target, obviously they don’t like me; and
8. Homesick is the king of all sickness, it beats them all!

So, starting from last night, I started brushing my teeth with tap water and till now I am still okay!

Monica Lewinsky In Lan-dry Business?

Wow, today a Toyota Corolla came to pick me up! Although it is not impressive for Malaysian but according to my booking list, it was range 3 car, meaning more expensive car as compared to my usual Ford Ikon (Range 1) and occasionally Toyota Innova Range 2). It is more comfortable and spacious, so traffic jam? No problem, I can sleep here!

Too busy over here, so a short one:

Do you still remember this news about Bill Clinton and Monica Lewinsky White House adventure?

Apparently someone in Bangalore who knows Hokkien used this news to advertise his laundry business.

Or maybe it was just a simple spelling mistake?

Monika should be Monica!

Me, My Room and Traffic Jam

15 days left in Bangalore. Can’t wait to go home. I woke up feeling really tired this morning.

Last night, it was an exhausting night. I was forced to change my beloved room because there was a renovation going on at the ground floor and the knocking was quite loud. At first I thought there was wild activity (I’m not going to state what) going on at the next room or the room above; because the hotel management didn’t hand out any notice. So I waited, waited and waited for 2 hours!

Realizing it was not what I initially thought (Hey, 2 hours! Impossible!), I made a complain. It seemed the management did not know what I was talking about so they sent someone to my room just to check out. It took them 30 minutes to know what was really happening. So I was forced to changed to room 224 because the renovation might went on till late at night.

On checking in to level 2, the sound still could be heard although quite faintly. Being in such luxurious hotel where when you closed your eyes you could hear people attacking the wall, I was not going to let go the management easily. So, I called the front desk again, complaining of the sound. My room was changed again but to higher ground but on one condition - I need to pay more on the government tax and the room rate remained the same. The management said it was some government newly imposed tax where the higher you stayed the more tax you need to pay. Luckily Genting Highland is not in India, else I will be paying like crazy. Anyway, I guess I would be investigated by my company for the sudden tax changes, but it is a valid reason, right?

So, I was allocated to room 610. It looked like my previous room, only with a bigger LCD TV. But I still liked my older room where I had a relaxing compound. In addition, the room was quite dusty! They must had vacant it for quite sometime. Hopefully it is not haunted!

(Below: Views from my room)

So, this was how my miserable evening went. Did not have good sleep because of the new bed (without my own familiar smell); so I am not feeling really well today. I felt really tired.

Gee, I was typing here for so long and my taxi still yet to reach my working place. Just now, my driver told me that he wanted to go for “pill”. Not understanding what he was saying, I asked him whether he could have it after dropping me off. He said no, stressing that it was low or else I could not reach my working place. Okay, now he sounded threatening, so I said okay, assuming he needed to get some drugs. In the end, he redirected the car to a fuel station! I wondered how he scolded the famous four-letter word – “Pluck you”?

The flood caused by the rain for these 2 days had worsened the traffic congestion in Bangalore. My taxi had yet to reach my destination after being caught in the jam for an hour and I’m getting myself a headache by the honking sound.

Let’s see how long it takes to reach my workplace and whether I will be feeling okay or not.

Sukumaran, Tipu Sultan, and Names...

Another day after work, and another day the sky is not happy. It was raining heavily last night, so I guess it will be the same for tonight. Tonight should be an important night for a by-election in Malaysia. It’s better I don’t talk any political stuff in my blog, just afraid that when I am back in Malaysia, I will “eat curry rice” again…but in prison. I have enough curry in India.

For those who don’t understand what I am talking about, Chinese elders in Malaysia link ‘Curry Rice’ to the food in prison. I don’t know the history of this linking but has been using this term since I first heard of it.

Today I worked with a guy called Sukumaran. When he introduced himself, he said “My name is Sukumaran. I know you Chinese cannot remember a long word, so please call me ‘Suku’.” Gee, I almost bursted into laughter. In Hokkien, ‘suku’ means stupid! And this person give me permission to call him this! Hmmm, think of it, his name Sukumaran sounded like cursing people. Don’t get me wrong but I really hope he would not end up working in Chinese-Hokkien-populated Penang.

Once, I was browsing for interesting landmark in Bangalore and one particular palace name caught my eye – Tipu Sultan Palace! In Malay, ‘Tipu’ means ‘Cheat’. And it seems that there was once a king named Tipu! It was known fact that Bangalore, as with the rest of India, has a habit of charging foreigners a lot more than locals. Strangely, Tipu Sultan's Palace, charges 10 rupee for Indians and 100 rupee to non-Indians for entry fee!

I guess some name when translated into a different language will be a laughing stock. Let me give an example:

I knew a Chinese guy who has a Chinese name which means 3 treasures. And his surname sounds like bronze – “Tong”. So when translates from mandarin character to English word. His name becomes “Tong Sam Pah”, his family is not Malay-language educated but when he went to attend Malay language classes he then realized that his name means rubbish bin in Malay – “Tong Sampah”!

Still don’t know whether my name sound funny in Indian, better go and check it out!

Some fact about Tipu Sultan, he once ruled a place called Mysore, a district southwest of Bangalore. Ouch!

Bangalore: I Hate Auto-Rickshaw!

It’s a beautiful day! Okay, this is not my usual saying. I was pretty tired and slept at around 9pm yesterday and work up at 6am. So, finally I have enough rest - 9 hours. Usually I slept for 6 hours maximum. So, when I have a good rest, I’ll be in a happy mood……well, until I got onto my cab and exposed to the honks and traffic! @#%^&*!

I received emails asking why I hate auto-rickshaw drivers so much. Actually during the first Sunday I arrived Bangalore, I went to get myself a local sim card to allow me making calls to my cab driver as well as dial in to conference. I walked around the area but could not find a single shop.

By the way, auto-rickshaw is considered as taxi in India. It looks like a motorcycle fitted into a yellow bird-cage where the driver is on one-side of the birdcage and passengers on the other side. Usually it could fit 2-3 passengers but I ever came across one which fitted more than that. I guess that passengers must be from circus background.

So, that day an auto-rickshaw driver approached me, asking where I would like to go. I stated my intention and he said that he would take me there. When I was on the auto-rickshaw, the driver told me that it was noon time and the shop would be closed for a while and so why not he brought me sight-seeing instead (Okay, it was my first day in Bangalore and I believed him). He ended up bringing me to 5 silk and craft emporiums, saying that all I need to do was pretending I was interested and I was from United States so that he could get some coupons to exchange for money. So I ended up wasting my time and being scolded by the shop owners for not buying anything.

(Below: Yup, this is the guy!)

After that, the auto-rickshaw driver finally brought me to a phone shop which was just a bit further away from my area; and collected 200 rupee as the fee.

So from that day onwards, I am not going to step into any auto-rickshaw.

It's a bird, it's a plane, No! It's a beer! Kingfisher!

My working hour usually ended with my driver picking me up on time. Today my driver was still on time but strangely with a better car - Maruti Suzuki 'Dezire' .Hey it was not a bad car, really!

But driving at 40kph speed limit, every cool, luxurious and expensive car becomes a turtle.

(Above: Cath loves turtle, so this is for her)

One thing I love about India is the cheaper booze. I could actually go to any place that sells alcohol and pick whatever I want without looking at the price! Try doing that in Malaysia, and I bet you will end up drinking more alcohol to calm you down.

(Below: See? These only costed me 261 rupee, meaning about RM20+!)

Among these alcohol I bought, one is product of Bangalore. Yup, the one starting with King – Kingfisher beer! How come it is not Maharaja Beer like what McD does!

Kingfisher is actually a bird, although I don’t know the relation with the beer (Maybe this bird drink and fly!), Kingfisher beer brand really well-received throughout the world. Until the company goes into airline business and names the airline - Kingfisher! But I still like it be called Maharaja Plane or Aero-Maharaja, then you will feel like a king on the plane while getting high with Kingfisher beer!

Bangalore Honking Addiction

It’s another late Monday again. And yup; my driver was 20 minutes late. When I tried calling him, he only managed to utter “2 minute! Sorry”. It was good having a driver with poor English command, then he would not speak much and I could enjoy writing my blog…emm… except for the honking part.

I don’t know about other places in India but drivers in Bangalore are really addicted to honking, they honked almost every second. It was like during the driving test there was this mandatory honking test to test how many honks you could do in 10 seconds.

(Below: Just wanna show the honking sound, but why not some graphic also! Hope you don't get dizzy!)

Once when I was crossing the road, a car was speeding at the speed limit. I was about 100m away, and the driver was honking madly at me. Okay, now I seemed to put the fault on me, because I left out an important detail. Bangalore speed limit was only 40kph! What was that driver thinking? That I might have changed my mind and suddenly slept on the road?

Soon I realized that it was a normal thing in Bangalore; driver honks when:

1. They are angry at you and raising the ‘finger’ would need you to be looking at them;
2. They know you and just to want to greet you;
3. When you look like a foreigner, and auto-rickshaw driver want to offer their service;
4. When you are too pretty, sexy and attractive or the other extreme end, and they would like to express their liking or disgust;
5. When their doctor said to relieve stress, you have to learn to express yourself through honking. and
6. When the honk seems like telling them “Press me, press me!”
   

Okay, I was kidding on the last 3 reasons but the driver here are really multi-talented. With one of their hands on the gear, the other one on the top handle of the steering wheel and they seem could find the time or hand to honk every second; some even has another hand to raise their finger to express their anger at other drivers!

Well, reaching my work place now. I had a super aggressive driver today who made the car fly over the bump, talked on the phone when driving and sped on the road (60kph is a big thing in Bangalore!).

McDonald India

Today is the first time I woke up late and missed breakfast; because I was working on some tasks last night until 5am. The 3rd hotel bill had just arrived and again I settled them happily. I guess I would need to find some time to file them.

I was hungry so the first place I knew to get cheaper food was again Brigade Road. So again I headed to Brigade Road. Sunday was usually a traffic free day but not for the auto-rickshaw drivers, still offering service and some even knew where I lived and remembered that I was around this area yesterday. Creepy! Anyway, a tip for tourists and visitors who are traveling in this city and want to avoid auto-rickshaw cum taxi drivers, try to walk against the traffic.

Yesterday I had KFC, so today I aimed for McDonald –“I’m loving it”…I hope. When ordering, one particular set caught my eye , Chicken Maharaja Mac; WOW, the name itself seemed beat Malaysia’s Big Mac! Who knows I might feel like a King when I eat it.

So, let’s see what I got – Burger, French Fries and Cola for 127 Rupee (about RM10).

Un-wrapping the wrapping revealed a burger with orange crown! Does that means I should wear it on top of my head when eating it to get the feel of a king?

De-crowning the orange crown showed a poorly-decorated burger, the person preparing this burger must had hated his job! Or me!

Okay, don’t judge the book by its cover, so let me taste it. It did not taste like chicken at all! It tasted like a meat heavily-enriched with sate and curry sauce. Bangalore is a place without rats roaming around so I guess was still chicken; or this theory worked another way round?

The specialty of McDonald is that they love to localize their food; meaning the food is usually prepared to suit the locals. So, understandably it would not suit me.

Finishing my meal, I wondered how would Ronald McDonald looked like in India. I seemed to miss him on my way in. Well, it is the same…

…instead of like this:

Brigade Road and Indian Chicken

One thing I hate about Bangalore is the auto-rickshaw drivers who keep following me around offering to bring me to shopping centers, tourism spots and silk or craft or emporiums. When I say following, I mean following by driving as well as park their asides and walk with me. It’s really hard to enjoy a leisure stroll around the area without them pestering.

Today I strolled a bit further from my usual area. I walked to one of the famous places in Bangalore – Brigade road. Although it is just a road, there are lots of branded shops and as usual cars are everywhere!

Happily, there are some familiar fast food chains but would the food still taste the same? Hopefully it is, so which store to pick for my lunch?

I ended up going for KFC because it is still Kentucky Fried Chicken and not Indian Fried Chicken, and others are really full. When placing orders, I realized that the cook is wearing a strange looking chef-like hat which if you look closer, looks like wearing a disposable underwear!

The menu is almost the same as Malaysia, but there is one special set called Zing Kong box.

At first I planned to order it, but think of it I seem don’t know to pronounce it in Indian ascent, so I ordered Zinger burger set. Strangely though, they don’t understand what I am saying. I thought Zinger should be pronounced as “ZI-NG-ER” but it seems not. So I settled with chicken rice set. Later I realized that they pronounced it as “jingle”, so I wondered they sang “Zinger” bell during Christmas?

When I received my chicken rice set, it seems that there was no spoon at all. Oh no!

I looked at my hands, and looked at the rice and looked at my hands again and then looked around. I raised my hand and asked for a spoon, hoping they did provide it. Luckily, they did; but a small ice-cream spoon.

The rice is okay. They provided Indian gravy which looked and tasted like chili with a bit of curry flavor.

However, the chicken is really dry but crispy. Gee I thought KFC chicken is imported from US, if no then Indian chicken is really dehydrated. Looking at the flyers around, I understand how come it seemed so different. They had Original Recipe but ‘Hot and Crispy’ instead of ‘Hot and Spicy’ in Malaysia. Does this means that the Original Recipe in India is also spicy? Hmm… should try it someday.

Anyway, I found one happy thing in KFC. I finally saw a chinese girl! Okay, my happiness is nothing to do with my hormone, it’s been a long while since I see a Chinese… Now I am not the fairest of them all…..

Malaysian vs Indian

It’s Friday! Yeah! So what am I going to do tomorrow? I don’t know. Boo! It’s the second week I am in Bangalore; and for this week, I am creating a countdown timer for my blog to remind me home is just a few days away… a few ten days away…

Think of it, being a Malaysian is not that bad. We live with different races and cultures; enjoy different foods; having crossed-race marriage; learning to scold people in different languages; know that Nasi Lemak which literally translate to Fat Rice is not a food for people to gain weight; Muruku is not a foul language; and Mooncake is not the cake to celebrate the first guy on the Moon.

The three main races in Malaysia are Malay, Indian and Chinese; we could easily tell from the looks and the skin color; although some are the production of mixed races.

Today, I had a 1-to-1 meet up with an Indian guy on work-related thing. For a few minutes, he was sort of examining me closely as though I came from Mars. For a while, I thought that he was going to cut me up to check what flows inside of me. This is the most common reaction when I go strolling outside my hotel. Everyone looks at me like I am naked or what, which I am sure I am not. Some even studies my skin like there is a way to dye it yellow…. Hey wait, there is! But on condition, you need to become a girl from a guy in the end and only limited to white skin.

My Cell in Bangalore

I had a late conference which ended at 12.30am midnight; but as usual woke up at 6am Bangalore time. Not feeling tired though, maybe my body has started to get used to the environment here.

The first day when I was in Bangalore, I went to get a new Sim card; because during my one month stay, there would be lots of conference call since my job involves sites like Malaysia, U.S and Israel. For last night, I was on the phone for around 4 hours where each minute would cost me 1 rupee. I don’t know how much is the charges for local call through my hotel; because I don’t bother to ask it after looking at the laundry service price.

One thing I dislike about the service provider is that my call dropped every 30 minutes! I thought any service provider would be more than happy if you could talk endlessly. I guess mine is different because it is from UK, a place famous for soccer! Yup, Vodafone! It must be a special service from them, reminding you of half time event. So I had 7 half times last night, kept redialing in and ended up confused about the meeting content.

Every once in a while, I would be getting spam calls from Vodafone, promoting their new services. To make the matter worse, they spoke in Kanada, a widely conversed Indian dialect in Bangalore. Luckily for them, it was a recording, else I would be speaking Hokkien back to them, slotting in some foul languages that I could recall people using it against me.

Until now I still could not remember my cell number because it is 10-digits long. Try remembering 9742099182 for me, even trying to repeat the number 10 times will result in me saying out the wrong number. Maybe the secret of remembering this number is trying to repeat them while shaking your head like the Indian here, might stimulate the brain digestion of data; who knows!